When men pull away in dating
Most non-sociopathic men aren’t out to deliberately hurt women.We’re all interconnected at some level, and causing distress in another person causes distress in ourselves. And at a very primitive level, remember that men enjoy the chase.
Also, after you’ve pined for so long for a woman, any woman to like you, having one pop up who actually does can be a terrifying experience. Why should he be thrilled about your taking away his thrill?And if his interest in you is limited from the start, then things can only go so far. Communicate with the fellow as clearly and directly as possible to find out what he’s looking for in a relationship: “So, what are you looking for in a relationship? ” Your senses are on high alert, and you just can’t wait to pounce. Here was the lion, with its advanced hunting software doing what it’s been doing for eons… Now he has to rethink the whole situation, perhaps totally losing interest in this particular gazelle.” Imagine you’re a lion on the African savanna, stalking a gazelle. Then, suddenly, the gazelle sees you from the corner of its eye, turns around, and starts galloping towards you at full speed. This is not how things are supposed to go — I’m supposed to be the one chasing! Much simpler to deal with the script he’s familiar and prepared to deal with: Lion chase. This one has happened to me a lot, and it operates at such a primal, unconscious level that even I myself marvel at the speed and vehemence with which I lose interest when she starts chasing me more than I’m chasing her.He senses that his enthusiasm for sex is far greater than yours, and knows this won’t play out well in the long run.He senses that your enthusiasm for sex is far greater than his.And then I didn’t know what to do with her when she made those doe eyes at me and said she was really, really, really looking forward to hanging out again. I can’t feel great about these stories since the experience for these ladies was probably not hugely validating.
And hey, maybe I was just flattering myself and they weren’t that into me either.
How do you get a guy to treat you like priority instead of an option?
There he was, totally interested, looking dapper in his buffalo skin while nonchalantly swinging his club at the cave entrance, offering you some freshly killed mastodon meat. What, if anything, could you have done differently?
ANTIDOTE: Once again, more cluelessness than malice operating here. The antidote to this is the “one step forward, two steps back” protocol, as I describe it in The Tao of Dating, Ch. Sometimes you have to prime the pump to get things going again.
So you give him a call, send him a message, tease him a little, and make it playfully but clearly known that his company would be welcome: “So. A month into the relationship, she issued an ultimatum that, in retrospect, was such a marvel of simplicity and effectiveness that I’ve been teaching it to my female students ever since: “Listen, I think you’re really great, and we obviously have a great time together.
Or, 95.4% of the time, he’s just thinking, hey, there’s an outside chance I could get laid here. If you want steady boyfriend leading to marriage and 2.3 kids and he wants Wednesday Arm Candy #3, we have a mismatch.